Fire Down Below by Debra Anastasia #Giveaway and Review

Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.

Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.

How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.

Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.

Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked, in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.

“I know it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.

Mr. Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.

Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.

Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter. 

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There are a lot of eyes in Debra Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after 17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough. 

           Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared...

 

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REVIEW

Fire Down Below by Debra Anastasia

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

So, I didn't really know anything specific about this going into it. Most of the comments that I read about it were basically WTF without actual details. Now, that I've read it, I'd say most readers are probably just stunned speechless by the time they finish. Fire Down Below is basically every gross body function and embarrassing situation known to man all gathered into one book. I had to take breaks while reading. Sometimes I felt gaggy, but mostly I was laughing so hard my stomach muscles needed a break.

First off, the entire cast are lovable, bumbling idiots. They're so vulgar and some are so shockingly shameless. It's sort of like a Dickhouse, Broken Lizard, Nation Lampoon mashup geared toward women.

"Sausage and boobs, fantastic. Go at it, ladies. I've got enough grease on my hands and chest to lube us all up."

The story centers around Dove Glitch and her friends. Most of the cast live in her apartment building. Every person in this book is a social reject. They can't take a step without tripping, or an anvil falling from the sky, or shit (as in feces) coming into the picture. Seriously, human body functions and issues are always popping up, as well as weird neighbors and random naked body parts.

"Hey, girl, I have a massive zit I need you to pop."

"Your dick's out again."

"It was air drying. You need to let a dick breathe. Underwear is jail."

Ha. Ha. Just reading that quote made me start chuckling again. Duke is off the chain. <3 Prepare yourself.  Gotta say, the big goof is awesome and my favorite character.

So, mostly it's teenage boy humor scene after scene, farts and giggles, but there is a bit of the sexy too. ;)

"Great. I gave you unwanted anal. That's what I get for reading all those sexual expertise books."

Actually, I didn't realize until a ways into the book that there is a deeper storyline sneaking it's way in. Matters of the heart do make an appearance. I'm not going to discuss it though so it can creep on you also.

I had the most fun reading this, and I definitely plan to read the next installment.

P.S. I love the Harry Potter references. :D

4+ letting it all hang out stars

***copy given in exchange for an honest review***


toni

FangirlMoments and My Two Cents

View all my reviews

The Surrender Gate by Christopher Rice Blog Tour Review

    

  

About THE SURRENDER GATE:

THE SURRENDER GATE! THE SURRENDER GATE is an Adult Fantasy and the first book in Christopher’s Desire Exchange Series!

New York Times bestselling author Christopher Rice’s first foray into erotic romance, THE FLAME, earned accolades from some of the genre’s most beloved authors. “Sensual, passionate and intelligent,” wrote Lexi Blake, “it’s everything an erotic romance should be.” J. Kenner called it “absolutely delicious,” Cherise Sinclair hailed it as “beautifully lyrical” and Loreli James announced, “I look forward to reading more!” Now, Christopher returns you to the world first introduced in THE FLAME with an all new novel of The Desire Exchange… 

Emily Blaine’s life is about to change. Arthur Benoit, the kindly multi-millionaire who has acted as her surrogate father for years, has just told her he’s leaving her his entire estate, and he only has a few months to live. Soon Emily will go from being a restaurant manager with a useless English degree to one of the richest and most powerful women in New Orleans. There’s just one price. Arthur has written a letter to his estranged son Ryan he hopes will mend the rift between them, and he wants Emily to deliver the letter before it’s too late. But finding Ryan won’t be easy. He’s been missing for years. He was recently linked to a mysterious organization called The Desire Exchange. But is The Desire Exchange just an urban legend? Or are the rumors true? Is it truly a secret club where the wealthy can live out their most private fantasies? 

It’s a task Emily can’t undertake alone. But there’s only one man qualified to help her, her gorgeous and confident best friend, Jonathan Claiborne. She’s suspected Jonathan of working as a high-priced escort for months now, and she’s willing to bet that Jonathan has uncovered some possible leads to The Desire Exchange—and to Ryan Benoit. But Emily’s attempt to uncover Jonathan’s secret life lands the two of them in hot water. Literally. In order to escape the clutches of one of Jonathan’s most powerful and dangerous clients, they must act on long buried desires—for each other. 

When Emily’s mission turns into an undercover operation, Jonathan insists on going with her. He also insists they continue to explore their impossible, reckless passion for each other. Enter Marcus Dylan, the hard-charging ex-Navy SEAL Arthur has hired to keep Emily safe. But Marcus has ulterior motives for taking the job; he, too, has a burning passion for Emily, and he turns out to be as rough and controlling as Jonathan is sensual and reckless. As Emily searches for a place where the rich turn their fantasies into reality, she will also be forced to decide which one of her own long-ignored fantasies should become her reality. But as Emily, Jonathan, and Marcus draw closer to The Desire Exchange itself, they find their destination isn’t just shrouded in mystery, but in magic as well. 

Excerpt:

“I’m sorry,” Marcus says.

“For?”

“For the fact you so totally and completely misinterpreted what I said.”

“I’m hanging up now. It’s a little late for mansplaining.”

“And for not turning you around and taking you right over the hood of that Aston Martin to show you how wrong you were.”

Her breath catches, but another Emily responds. “Charming,” she whispers.

“Your hand seems to think so,” he says.

He’s right. The warmth she’s been feeling against her thigh is coming from her own palm. Just the sound of his voice has charmed her fingers onto her thigh. And he can see it all. The parted taffeta drapes blowing in the breeze, the tangle of silk sheets sliding down across her white T-shirt, the rise and fall of her chest as she tries to get back the breath he just stole from her.

“It’s not gonna be that easy,” she says.

“What? What isn’t going to be that easy, Miss Blaine?”

“Put a little distance between us and then you turn into Christian Grey, when there’s no risk and you don’t have to—”

“Don’t have to what?”

“I want to hear what you said.”

“When?”

“Arthur said he assigned you to me because you made some comments about me that got back to him. I want to hear them. The comments.”

“They weren’t comments,” Marcus says.

“Then what were they?”

“Observations.”

“About my weight?”

“About your eyes. You were coming down off the front porch of the main house one day and when the sunlight hit your eyes, they were so beautiful they looked like a painting.”

“Well, now…that’s kinda sweet.”

“And then I said if I ever get inside that woman I’m going to do whatever it takes to make her look into my eyes the whole time. To make her feel like there’s no one else except for me, and nothing else in the world except for what I’m doing to her body.”

She hopes her sharp intake of breath is too soft for the microphones to pick up, but she doubts it. And besides, her silence is telling enough.

“Watch that hand, Emily.”

“Is that how you said it? In exactly those words?”

“I said it in a way Scott could understand. He was the other guy on duty that day. He doesn’t read books with big words. Just magazines with big guns.”

“I see…”

“I see too,” he says. “But I’d like to see more.”

Before she can think twice about it, she draws the sheet back a few inches, exposing the crotch of her panties to the ocean breeze, revealing it to the darkened bedroom and it’s myriad of hidden but prying eyes. Revealing it to Marcus’s tortured hunger for her, on which he seems to temporarily lose his grip every few hours or so.

Me, I’m the reason he loses control. I’m the thing he wants but doesn’t want to want…yet.

Fear sends gooseflesh up her thighs, fear of being exposed, fear of moving too fast, fear of giving too much of herself away too soon. But they’re her thighs and her panties, goddammit, and for the time being, this is her bedroom, and she’s technically alone, so what is there to be afraid of—

“Are the cameras recording?” she asks the darkness.

“Not unless I tell them to.”

“Don’t tell them to.”

“Then show me more. Quid pro quo, you know.”

“Never reference Silence of the Lambs when you’re trying to get a woman naked.”

“You have a real mouth on you, Miss Blaine. Do you know that?”

“I do. And that’s why you keep talking to me.”

“Or it’s just my job.”

“There are other jobs, with quieter people.”

“Smart girl.”

She tries to suppress a smile. Beneath the sheet, she works her arms out from her T-shirt, then slides the entire thing up and over her head before dropping it to the carpet. Just at the moment when Marcus probably believes she’s about expose her breasts to the open air, she rolls over onto her stomach.

Marcus growls.

Amazon Kindle ** Amazon Paperback

  About Christopher Rice:

After publishing four New York Times bestselling thrillers by the age of 30 and being declared one of People Magazine’s Sexiest Men Alive, award-winning writer Christopher Rice became the first author to make his erotic romance debut part of the 1,001 DARK NIGHTS series. THE FLAME: A Desire Exchange Novella kicked off a steamy new series set in New Orleans, featuring magical candles and a sexy new breed of supernatural beings, The Radiants, who are devoted to helping heroes and heroines realize their heart’s desire. THE FLAME earned accolades from some of the biggest names in erotic romance and was quickly followed up by THE SURRENDER GATE: A Desire Exchange Novel, available from Evil Eye Concepts as a Blue Box Special. Aside from authoring eight works of dark suspense, Christopher is also the co-host and executive producer of a streaming Internet radio show he launched with his best friend, New York Times bestselling author Eric Shaw Quinn. Each Sunday at 8 PM ET/ 5 PM PT, THE DINNER PARTY SHOW WITH CHRISTOPHER RICE & ERIC SHAW QUINN brings you a new episode at TheDinnerPartyShow.com

Website ** Twitter ** Goodreads ** Novel Goodreads

REVIEW

The Surrender Gate by Christopher Rice

This book is full of mystery. The reader knows there is something erotic and magic happening through the 'Desire Exchange' but is unsure what.

Mr. Benoit, Emily's benefactor, is near death. She will inherit everything. His last request is that she finds his estranged son. The trail leads Emily and her best friend since childhood, Jonathan, on an adventure into a secret club. Along the way other characters are introduced including their security Frank and Marcus. The storyline has elements of Louisiana culture, free love, romance, a bit of straight-for-you, family relationships, forgiveness, self-discovery, friendship, suspense and magic.

Overall, I found the story to be interesting. Some parts in the middle lost me for a minute, but the ending definitely found me. My favorite part was the last quarter or so. And I think what I most liked was the humor that came from Frank and Jonathan and the overall sexual male feel surrounding Jonathan and R. I hope to see more from them in a future book.

***copy given in exchange for an honest review***


toni

FangirlMoments and My Two Cents

View all my reviews

Dorm Game by Daryl Banner Review

Title:  Dorm Game (The Brazen Boys, #1)

Author:  Daryl Banner
Cover & Interior Design:  Daryl Banner
Cover Model:  Nick Duffy
Photographer:  Simon Barnes
Genre:  M/M Contemporary
Release Date:  February 24, 2015

*** Each novella in The Brazen Boys series is a standalone M/M romance. They can be read in any order. ***

Andrew is the muscular dream boy from Intro to Psych. Michael is the lonely kid desperate for a new roommate. When a class project - and one very reckless decision - forces them together, an unstoppable game of teasing, torment, and pleasure begins.

Michael will soon learn that Andrew’s sexual interests are far from ordinary ...

***Contains: M/M sexuality and adult language.

His eyes narrow. Andrew looks so sexy when his eyes narrow. Especially wearing nothing but those loose, acid-washed jeans sagged just enough to show the black waistband of his boxers, the brand printed in giant green block letters across it. With a voice as hard and unforgiving as iron, he repeats the question patiently to me. He knows how deeply I’m breathing without even listening. I’d swear he even knows my heart rate, my thoughts. He knows the answer in my jagged sighs and can tell whether it’s reward or punishment I crave. His strong jaw working to produce the words of the question, I’m distracted by the beauty of this boy I’ve let into my life, this boy who drips sexuality. He sweats and I’m horny. He rubs a spot on his shoulder and I’m hard in an instant. I’ve wanted Andrew for so long and now I have him. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say, he has me. Fastened to a bed, at his total mercy, it’s pretty fucking clear I’m not going anywhere.

Books by Daryl Banner

The Beautiful Dead Trilogy:

The Beautiful Dead (Book 1)

Dead of Winter (Book 2)

Almost Alive (Book 3)

The Outlier Series:

The Slum Queen:  an Outlier prequel novella

Outlier:  Rebellion (Book 1)

Outlier:  Legacy (Book 2)

Outlier:  Reign of Madness (Book 3)

Outlier:  Beyond Oblivion (Book 4)

Outlier:  Five Kings (Book 5)

The Brazen Boys:

A series of standalone M/M romance novellas

Dorm Game (Book 1)

Other Books by Daryl Banner:

super psycho future killers

Psychology of Want

Love and Other Bad Ideas (a collection of seven short plays)

Daryl Banner is a writer and composer who graduated from the University of Houston with a degree in Theatre and Psychology.

He does not write in any single genre, as his stories tend to span several. He is most inspired by the smart and unlikely hero, but urges you (the reader) not to fall in love with them; they may deceive you with their innocence. He is thrilled by putting his characters in terrible situations where they must face choices and challenges that seem impossible to overcome.

Daryl Banner writes contemporary fiction, sci-fi/fantasy (both in medieval and futuristic senses), unique takes on the apocalypse and paranormal romance genre, as well as magic realism. He cannot wait to hear what you think about his stories and welcomes (and responds to!) all feedback.

Interesting tidbits: Daryl is also an obsessive piano player, video game enthusiast, and occasional actor. He's been remixing video game music for over fifteen years, and is a passionate Final Fantasy fan. You can feed your ears with many of his remixes (as well as his original music) on his YouTube page "www.youtube.com/DarylBanner". Also, he personally answers all emails he receives, so if you have some strange desire to write him, he may enjoy it. He currently resides in Texas.

Dorm Game by Daryl Banner

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I've found the world's greatest source of renewable energy, and it is horniness.

Daryl is one of my all time favorite authors. Up until now, what I have read from him has been more fantasy storyline and less arousal based. When I found out he was going to write a sexy M/M contemporary, I couldn't wait to get my eyes on it.

I was not disappointed. He brought the sexy while still delivering that differently awesome 'Daryl' way of wording things.

Michael is kinda nerdish. He has the hots for Mr. big and muscular aka Andrew who loves to turn everything into a game. When they become partners on a project, the battles known as the dorm games ensue. Who will win, and does winning or loosing really get you what you want?

I found it to be a great read, fun and saucy.

4.5 stars

***copy given in exchange for an honest review***


toni

FangirlMoments and My Two Cents

View all my reviews

The Slum Queen by Daryl Banner Release Blitz Review

Title:  The Slum Queen (an Outlier prequel novella)

Author:  Daryl Banner 

Cover & Interior Design:  Daryl Banner

Urban Photography:  Jan Behrens

*** A prequel/companion short story to the Outlier series. ***

*** Featured as a short story in "Moments In Time", a charity anthology.

Also released as a standalone prequel novella. ***

In the Last City Of Atlas, there lived a girl from the slums named Atricia Sunsong who became Queen with one little lie.

Underneath the selfishness and riches and countless young men who shared her bed was a lonely woman desperately trying to fill the hole in her heart left by a certain slum boy from her childhood.

When an uprising threatens to take away her throne and all that she has gained, she must do the unthinkable to save her Queenship before it is too late.

OTHER WORKS

Psychology Of Want

There's something wrong with him, but he doesn't know what. His peace at college is disrupted by the unique people he meets throughout the school year, including a Psychology professor who seems to pull out the very best and the very worst in him. When his "worst" becomes too much to handle, he finds himself facing the demon of his sex addiction head-on, and everything is at stake.

super psycho future killers

Cameron Harper is angry. His job at the movie theater is killing him and his life has no purpose … until he finds himself six months in the future watching his theater burn down with everyone he knows inside. What began as a thrilling way to break free from the boredom of his job becomes a maniacal fight to the death with time itself, and Cameron isn’t so sure he’s on the winning side. Feeling to blame for the oncoming six-months-later disaster, he desperately tries to save the lives of his friends, including the maybe-love of his life, while keeping his inner rage from spiraling out of control. There’s a super psycho killer in all of us, and it’s going to take Cameron everything he has to keep from becoming his own.

The Beautiful Dead (Book 1)

*BOOK #1 IN THE BEAUTIFUL DEAD TRILOGY*
*It is recommended to read this series in order*
THE BEAUTIFUL DEAD (#1)
DEAD OF WINTER (#2)
ALMOST ALIVE (#3)
She’s dead.
In fact, the whole world’s dead. Every single person, apparently. Unburied and reimagined into a beautiful living-dead woman called Winter, she is doomed to spend the rest of eternity in a quaint, peaceful city with no hunger, no sickness and no bills to pay. Her Second Life is perfect in every way possible. 
So why is she so bent on destroying it all? 
After angering the mayor, befriending rebel headless teenagers and igniting romance with a dark and brooding neighbor, she finds herself wrestling madly with a First Life she cannot remember and this Second Life she cannot accept. Not to mention the maniacal army of rotting corpses who want her dead. Again. 
But none of that matters in comparison to an even worse problem. There’s a guest in her house. A rude, good-looking man on the run ... a man with a heartbeat.

Dead Of Winter (Book 2)

Cover model: Nick Duffy

*BOOK #2 IN THE BEAUTIFUL DEAD TRILOGY*
*It is recommended to read this series in order*
THE BEAUTIFUL DEAD (#1)
DEAD OF WINTER (#2)
ALMOST ALIVE (#3)
No one said being an Undead is easy.
Winter’s Second Life became a lot more complicated when the Living moved into her hometown of Trenton. Undead neighbors fight with their Breathing ones. Food is sparse. And, worst of all, the season is taking a change for the colder.
A desperate plea for help to a neighboring city turns deadly and soon Winter finds herself facing an old friend from her past whose plot to annihilate all life on the planet may have everything to do with her.
And what about the man-with-the-heartbeat in her house? Is there even room for love in such a ruined, unforgiving world?
New friends are made. Others are lost forever. In the dead of winter, no one is safe.

Outlier: Rebellion (Book 1)

Cover model: Joe Delaney

*BOOK #1 IN THE OUTLIER SERIES*
*It is recommended to read this series in order*
*Some portions of book end in cliffhangers*
OUTLIER: REBELLION (#1)
OUTLIER: LEGACY (#2)
OUTLIER: REIGN OF MADNESS (#3)
OUTLIER: OBLIVION (#4)
OUTLIER: FIVE KINGS (#5)
“Those in power will do whatever they can to get away with everything they can.”
Every citizen in Atlas, the last city on the planet, is born with a unique, special ability, and no one sleeps past the age of two.
Except for Wick Lesser who, at seventeen, still sleeps. Hiding this rare ability from the world, his father, who can calculate futures, trains him in self-defense and combat while his healing-gifted mother works an unglamorous job in the muds and keeps his secret safe with the help of Wick’s older brothers. The Lesser family of the ninth ward slums manages to keep afloat, suffering under the corrupt, greed-driven Kingship of the Lifted City.
But not for long.
In the first installment of the Outlier series, Wick’s unassuming slumborn life soon explodes into a full-speed adventure of danger, betrayal, and self-discovery when he secretly joins an underground rebel movement working to take down the oppressive ruling power. But the task is far from easy, and there are more adversaries than Wick can count. Not to mention the complication of an intense, unplanned attraction ... to someone on the wrong side of the rebellion.
Powerful forces are gathering to put an end to the uprising, including the city’s elite crew of law-enforcers called Guardian, of which Wick’s own two eldest brothers are sworn members, and all corners of the slums grow ever restless: a lustful boy with blackened eyes leads a violent street gang, with Wick’s younger brother as his newest recruit. A cunning orphaned girl whose ability is to be unseen, sees everything. And high up in the Lifted City, a privileged and wealthy boy yearns for an exciting new life in the slums.
Their world is at a precipice of great change. No one is safe. The rebellion has begun.
*** Contains adult themes, M/F and M/M sexuality, and violence. 

Dorm Game (The Brazen Boys 1)

Cover model: Nick Duffy

*** Each novella in The Brazen Boys series is a standalone M/M romance. They can be read in any order. ***
Andrew is the muscular dream boy from Intro to Psych. Michael is the lonely kid desperate for a new roommate. When a class project - and one very reckless decision - forces them together, an unstoppable game of teasing, torment, and pleasure begins.
Michael will soon learn that Andrew’s sexual interests are far from ordinary ...
***Contains: M/M sexuality and adult language.

Daryl Banner is a writer and composer who graduated from the University of Houston with a degree in Theatre and Psychology.

He does not write in any single genre, as his stories tend to span several. He is most inspired by the smart and unlikely hero, but urges you (the reader) not to fall in love with them; they may deceive you with their innocence. He is thrilled by putting his characters in terrible situations where they must face choices and challenges that seem impossible to overcome.

Daryl Banner writes contemporary fiction, sci-fi/fantasy (both in medieval and futuristic senses), unique takes on the apocalypse and paranormal romance genre, as well as magic realism. He cannot wait to hear what you think about his stories and welcomes (and responds to!) all feedback.

Interesting tidbits: Daryl is also an obsessive piano player, video game enthusiast, and occasional actor. He's been remixing video game music for over fifteen years, and is a passionate Final Fantasy fan. You can feed your ears with many of his remixes (as well as his original music) on his YouTube page "www.youtube.com/DarylBanner". Also, he personally answers all emails he receives, so if you have some strange desire to write him, he may enjoy it. He currently resides in Texas.

The Slum Queen by Daryl Banner

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I would classify this book as sci-fi. It could maybe also be classified as dystopian and urban fantasy. It takes place sometime in the future. Humans have evolved biologically. The world has changed geographically, theologically, pretty much in every way possible basically. The storyline is about the queen of this world.

This was my first time reading anything from this author. I had no idea what the story would be going into it. I had no expectations so I was pleasantly surprised that I liked it so much. I plan to look into more stories from this author.

The above review was from when I purchased this book as part of an anthology with other authors.  I've reread the updated novella and it has added content.  Definitely a great purchase for any lover of urban fantasy.

***copy given in exchange for an honest review***


toni

FangirlMoments and My Two Cents

View all my reviews