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Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Consequence of Loving Colton by Rachel Van Dyken Blog Tour Review








RELEASE DATE: APRIL 21, 2015




It’s all fun and games…until someone’s heart is broken.

They’re not kids anymore, but Milo Caro is certain that Colton Mathews will only see her as his best friend’s little sister for the rest of their lives. After all, he made that clear the night before she left for college. But four years later, her brother is getting married and Colt’s the best man—and guess who is the best man’s last-minute date?

Milo vows to use the wedding to either claim the smoldering firefighter’s heart or douse this torch for good. When Max—her best friend from college, who may be carrying a torch of his own—crashes the party, they devise a plan to make Colt see what he’s missing. But after Colt catches on, he decides to cook up his own revenge.



Now it’s personal. Colt and Milo are at war, and between Max’s questionable acting methods, an unfortunate trip to jail, and a maniacal fiancée, what could possibly go right?










I slept like crap all night—proving my point again. All men should burn in hell. I switched between nightmares of Colton’s rejection and dreams of Max riding in to rescue me on a giant-ass aloe vera plant.
Groaning, I tossed and turned, finally falling into a deep sleep around two a.m.
“Fire!” A voice penetrated my dreams. “Fire! Wake up!”
I jolted out of my bed to see Max sitting calmly at the end. He had two Starbucks cups in hand and was sporting a pair of black skinny jeans, a blue V-neck T-shirt, and a smile that looked like it belonged on the cover of GQ.
“Hey, you’re awake.” His grin widened.
“Yeah, weird, I thought there was a fire.”
He handed me the coffee. “There is. In your pants.”
“Pardon?”
“Because you’re a liar.” He patted my leg and shook his head. “Do I even want to know how this happened? Or was it the usual?”
“Usual?” My voice was gravelly, I took a large sip of coffee—it did wonders for my mood.
“Yeah, the usual Milo freak-out where you speak before you think. Typically involves lots of cursing, yelling, sometimes a fight breaks out, and I always end up having to fix it.”
My face burned.
Max nodded. “The usual, then. Gotcha.”
“Why are you here? What time is it?”
“Five a.m.,” he answered. “Your mom’s a fox, by the way, I swear she checked my ass out twice as I walked up the stairs.”
“She did not.”
“Your dad did the same. Ten bucks says your mom asks where I got my jeans and buys him a pair—oh, and by the way, you owe me big. I finally asked out the Starbucks girl and had to cancel our date on account that my other girlfriend”—his eyes narrowed—“had an emergency.”
I winced. “Please tell me you didn’t explain it that way to her.”
“Course not. I said my asthmatic little sister had an attack and almost died screaming my name . . .”
“You don’t have a sister.”
“Little Maddie’s screams were so loud, all she wanted was her big brother Max.”
“Who’s Maddie?”
“And I can’t deny her the one thing she wants in life, the one thing that makes her go on living.” Max wiped a fake tear. “I’m a broken man, Milo, and sisters are more important than dates.”
“I’m sure she was understanding.”
Max grinned. “You could say that.”
“Gross.”


“What?” He held up his hands. “I’m a guy. Just because you labeled me your gay friend freshman year does not actually make it true.”




Rachel Van Dyken is the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today Bestselling author of regency and contemporary romances. When she's not writing you can find her drinking coffee at Starbucks and plotting her next book while watching The Bachelor.


She keeps her home in Idaho with her Husband and their snoring Boxer, Sir Winston Churchill. She loves to hear from readers! You can follow her writing journey at 
www.rachelvandykenauthor.com










REVIEW

The Consequence of Loving Colton (Consequence, #1)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I have liked other books from this author so I wanted to give this one a try. The premise is girl has loved her big brother's best friend for years, but he's always treated her like a little sister. I was expecting a sweet new adult with lite humor and lots of cuteness. It did start out this way. It felt similar to several novels dealing with childhood crushes and being all grown up now. I was liking it, but I wasn't amazed. Then, wham, it goes crazy with the funny.

Milo is home from college to attend Jason's (her brother) wedding. Of course Colt (her brother's best friend and her life-long crush) is there. The three of them were their own little gang growing up before feelings got in the way. After making a move on Colt and being shut down, she is trying to keep her distance. To save her pride, she accidentally says Max (her best friend) is her boyfriend. Max shows up to help with the wedding and operation win Colton. Oh, and everyone hates the bride-to-be.

At this point, everything just starts snowballing. There's beaucoup physical/slapstick comedy, hilarity overload. Some of the characters are walking disasters and others need full protective armor. Every person in the story has a different personality. They all work so well together. Some are ridiculously silly and others more deadpan. 'Hell in a hand basket' is an accurate description for this wedding party. Oh, and the character comedy like Grandma, bwahahaha. I don't know which persona in this story I love the most. So much giggle-factor. Seriously, I didn't know if I would ever finish because I would read a couple lines then wheeze-laugh, read a couple lines then wheeze-laugh. . .

The romance and endearing parts are present also, some declarations that make you go awww. It actually has a few really wise and profound statements about love and time too. The analogy the mom makes with breathing and love is a great one.

I'm 100% glad that I took the time to read it. If you're looking for something serious or erotic this probably isn't it. If you're looking for some laughs in your life, you've found it.
"All in all I think the weekend went pretty good. We should do this again sometime."


4.5 stars




***copy given in exchange for an honest review***


toni






Friday, April 10, 2015

My Zombie Boyfriend by T. Strange Book Review





Author Name: T. Strange
Book Name: My Zombie Boyfriend
Release Date: April 15, 2015
Pages or Words: 64,000 words
Categories: Humor, Romance, Horror, Contemporary, M/M Romance, Urban Fantasy, New Adult, Fiction, Gay Fiction, Paranormal
Publisher: Torquere Press
Cover Artist: B. S. Clay

Blurb:


Edward Grey is a medical student by day, necromancer by night. He lives alone with the first zombie he ever raised, his childhood cat, Boo. Edward’s life is simple: studying medicine, training his necromantic powers with his mentor, Mariel, and having weekly dinners with his parents. When he finds a very attractive corpse in a park and brings it home to reanimate, he accidentally creates a sassy, free-willed zombie who believes Edward is the one who murdered him.


With no memory of his former life, Edward names the zombie Kit and tries to win his trust. Kit slowly adjusts to his new un-life with Edward’s help, though he’s still suspicious of Edward’s role in his death and is convinced that Edward is hiding his former identity. Edward is very attracted to Kit, but understands why Kit doesn’t trust him. As they become closer to one another, Kit turns to Edward for comfort and love. The fragile trust they’ve built together will be tested when Kit unexpectedly regains his memory and seeks revenge on his murderers.





Excerpt:
Kit took one look at the concoction and raised his eyebrows in disbelief and disgust. “What is that supposed to be?”
“It’s your food. Mmm! Delicious, brains! Zombies love brains!” I could see right away that I had gone too far.
“I am not a dog or a child, Edward. And I don’t appreciate your stereotyping.”
Oh, great. I had offended a zombie. What a schmuck. “I’m sorry, Kit. Won’t you at least try it?”
“Is that a slice of brain?”
“…yes. Technically. It’s not human!”
“Oh, it’s a brain, but it’s not human. That makes it all better. What’s in the rest of it?”
“The rest of the cow?” No, this was not going at all well. I pleaded. I cajoled. I begged.
He poured it down the sink.









About the author:


My Zombie Boyfriend is T. Strange’s first full-length novel, though she has published several shorter works with Torquere Press. When not writing, T. enjoys gardening, spending time with her horse, and, of course, reading. T. lives in Canada with her wife, surrounded by pets.




Where to find the author:





Tour Date & Stops: April 10, 2015




Rafflecopter Prize: E-copy of ‘My Zombie Boyfriend’ by T. Strange












REVIEW


My Zombie Boyfriend

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This story took me totally by surprise. Something about it piqued my interest so I wanted to give it a shot. Of course, I hoped to enjoy it, but I had no idea how much I would love it. My Zombie Boyfriend is so different from most of what I read. It's the perfect mix of muted comedy/horror.

I've read a lot of zombie books, but none have ever given this same spin. The undead character is just as normal as the rest of us weird humans, so identifiable. In most zombie books, these creatures are soulless bodies reanimated because of a biblical-ish apocalypse or incurable virus that takes over the world. Edward is a boring medical student, necromancer on the side, who feels the urge to bring Kit back after finding him dead.

Edward tries to just proceed with life as usual with the exception of a new roommate. Kit is so wonderful. He's eccentric, outgoing, very full of life, completely opposite of what a reader would expect. I really got a kick out of how nothing that happens is that big of a deal to anyone in the story. All the characters just roll with whatever for the most part.

There is lots of humor, some cuteness, gore, creepiness—so many clashing themes that somehow mesh perfectly together. I'm very pleased to have come across this story. I couldn't put it down. In my opinion, it feels fun and easygoing while underlining acceptance of everyone. Questioning isn't really it's thing, it's c'est la vie, laissez faire. The author's writing style is particularly entertaining to me; so, I will definitely be looking for more books from her.




***copy given in exchange for an honest review***


toni






Saturday, February 28, 2015

Fire Down Below by Debra Anastasia #Giveaway and Review











Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.

Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.

How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.

Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.









Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked, in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.
“I know it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.
Mr. Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.
Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.
Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter. 





#‎FireDownBelow‬  

 ▴Amazon US ➜ amzn.to/1HvQywp 

▴Amazon UK ➜ amzn.to/1DgCa4U 

▴Amazon AU ➜ bit.ly/1CkOCDU 

▴KoBo ➜ bit.ly/166Xtej 

▴iBooks ➜ bit.ly/1Kfvpmh 

▴B&N ➜ TBA







 
-->

There are a lot of eyes in Debra Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after 17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough. 

           Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared...


 
Social Media Links:




a Rafflecopter giveaway





REVIEW


Fire Down Below (Gynazule #1)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

So, I didn't really know anything specific about this going into it. Most of the comments that I read about it were basically WTF without actual details. Now, that I've read it, I'd say most readers are probably just stunned speechless by the time they finish. Fire Down Below is basically every gross body function and embarrassing situation known to man all gathered into one book. I had to take breaks while reading. Sometimes I felt gaggy, but mostly I was laughing so hard my stomach muscles needed a break.

First off, the entire cast are lovable, bumbling idiots. They're so vulgar and some are so shockingly shameless. It's sort of like a Dickhouse, Broken Lizard, Nation Lampoon mashup geared toward women.
"Sausage and boobs, fantastic. Go at it, ladies. I've got enough grease on my hands and chest to lube us all up."


The story centers around Dove Glitch and her friends. Most of the cast live in her apartment building. Every person in this book is a social reject. They can't take a step without tripping, or an anvil falling from the sky, or shit (as in feces) coming into the picture. Seriously, human body functions and issues are always popping up, as well as weird neighbors and random naked body parts.
"Hey, girl, I have a massive zit I need you to pop."
"Your dick's out again."
"It was air drying. You need to let a dick breathe. Underwear is jail."


Ha. Ha. Just reading that quote made me start chuckling again. Duke is off the chain. <3 Prepare yourself.  Gotta say, the big goof is awesome and my favorite character.

So, mostly it's teenage boy humor scene after scene, farts and giggles, but there is a bit of the sexy too. ;)
"Great. I gave you unwanted anal. That's what I get for reading all those sexual expertise books."


Actually, I didn't realize until a ways into the book that there is a deeper storyline sneaking it's way in. Matters of the heart do make an appearance. I'm not going to discuss it though so it can creep on you also.

I had the most fun reading this, and I definitely plan to read the next installment.

P.S. I love the Harry Potter references. :D



4+ letting it all hang out stars






***copy given in exchange for an honest review***


toni